


I Don't Mean to Miss the Good Old Days

by Chash



Series: The Morning Seems Impossible [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Season/Series 04 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 17:05:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11257185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: Clarke understands why Madi is nervous for the Arkers to come back to Earth. She'd probably be nervous too, in Madi's place.But it's been six years. Clarke is fed up with waiting.





	I Don't Mean to Miss the Good Old Days

**Author's Note:**

> I was gonna say it's Madi week here but really it's only Tuesday and who knows what tomorrow will bring. Maybe Miller's POV on this. He's the one I've got left, right?

It's not supposed to become a thing, the radio. Clarke doesn't quite realize she's even doing it at first. The first day, she calls expecting an answer, and the second, and the third. She thinks they'll pick up, sooner or later, and it's not until she finds Madi that she realizes she doesn't actually expect an answer.

"Hey, Bellamy," she says. "It's been sixty-four days since Praimfaya. Apparently I'm not alone down here." She strokes Madi's hair back. The girl was exhausted and half-starved, and Clarke didn't really feel as if she was much better off. It's been a long time of not knowing anything for sure. "I found a girl, another nightblood. It's lucky I did, I don't think she would have made it much longer on her own. I probably wouldn't have either, honestly. I wish you'd pick up," she adds. "I know you won't, but--I miss you. Sometimes I close my eyes and just imagine what I think you'd say. You and Raven and everyone," she adds. "When I do something stupid, it's usually you and Murphy. When I need to fix something, it's Raven and Monty. When I saw the girl, it was you," she says. "You're the one who's good with kids. I wish you were here to help." She sighs. "That wasn't a very useful update, was it? Let's talk about the environment."

Madi stirs awake when she's talking about soil samples, blinking confused eyes. "Who are you talking to?"

"Whom," Clarke corrects. As parenting styles go, she's not sure pedantry is a great one, but it's her first day. She'll learn. 

And then the question catches up to her. It's just after dawn, with a few stars still visible in the sky, and she reflexively looks to the place she wants the Ark to be. Not that she really knows. She might never know.

"No one," she says. "Myself. My friends--they should be up there."

"Where?"

"In the sky. In a space station. That's where I'm from. We came down, but--they had to go back up. To survive the fire."

"Are they coming back?"

Clarke closes her eyes. "In one thousand, seven hundred and sixty-three days."

"How long is that?" She sounds dubious, and Clarke can't blame her.

"Too long," says Clarke. "But we can wait."

*

"When you get back, I'm going to kiss you," Clarke tells the radio, on the one thousand, eight hundred and twenty-seventh morning. She's not convinced it's going to be _today_ that he comes back; it's safe now, but she wouldn't blame them for giving it another day or two. Just to make sure the numbers stay at these levels.

"Not right away," she adds. "I know it's been five years, and maybe--" She lets out a shaky breath. "Maybe you've got someone else now. You and Raven, or Echo, or--anyone. But if you didn't, if you're still--" This breath is nearly a sob. "I miss you so much. All of you, but--I've always missed you the most, Bellamy. I hope you guys can't hear this one, or at least you're alone. I love all of you, but--I'm not going to kiss Murphy. Just you. If you're still--we've lost enough time. So--you need to come home. I don't want to miss another day."

Somehow, having the words out is exhilarating and terrifying all at once. It's a promise she made to no one, a promise with no witnesses. No one will know, if she breaks it. It doesn't _mean_ anything. 

But it feels different. It's not dreaming of having him. It's not wanting him back as her best friend, as the person whose opinion she values most, the one she trusts and leads with. 

She wants him back because she loves him. And when he comes back, she's not going to let him go again. Not if--

Not if he wants her.

"What's going to happen?" Madi asks over breakfast. "When your friends come back?" She doesn't _quite_ sound scared, but it's related, and Clarke does understand. The people in the sky aren't her people, and the people in the bunker aren't really either. There will be people from her clan, but she was barely five when Praimfaya came. Her parents are foggy memories at this point, let alone anyone else.

Clarke is the only person she really _knows_ , and Clarke is about to have a lot more people in her life. People she _does_ know.

"We'll have other people who can help us," she says. "We won't need to hunt as much. I think we can probably have a village to live in. You'll have more people to talk to. People who will care about you. Once we get the bunker dug out, you'll have a grandmother."

"But the ship's going to come down first."

There's a lump in Clarke's throat. She wants to just say yes, but--it's been five years. One thousand, eight hundred and twenty-seven days. So much could have happened, in that time. Everything could be different.

"I hope so. It should."

"And the ship has Bellamy."

"Bellamy, Raven, Monty, Harper, Murphy, Emori, and Echo," she says. "Seven people."

"But Bellamy's the one you call," she says, soft, and Clarke looks down. 

"Yeah. He's--my best friend. He was. And I trust him. He's going to help us, I promise. He's going to help _you_." She can't help a smile. "He's going to love you, Madi. Just like I do."

"And he'll tell me stories."

"As many as you want, yeah."

"It's going to be different," she says, voice soft.

"Different isn't always bad. It would be nice to have someone to talk to besides me, right? When I'm getting on your nerves?"

"And you'll have people to talk to who aren't me too."

She shifts closer, puts her arm around Madi's shoulders. "Just because they come down, it isn't going to change anything with us, okay? I'm still going to be--" Her mouth trips on the word _mother_. "I'm still going to take care of you. I'll still love you. Okay? Nothing will change that."

"I know," she says, and it doesn't quite sound like she believes it. But Clarke will be able to convince her, she knows she will. Because it's _true_. They're all going to love her. Bellamy's going to _adore_ her.

She can't wait.

*

Like with the radio, it takes a little while for her brain to switch from _they haven't come down yet_ to _something is wrong_. For the first two weeks, she thinks Raven is being careful, that Bellamy wants to do a few more checks on the ship. She reminds herself, over and over, that they think she's _dead_ , but there's still the bunker, and they won't know it's buried in rubble. They won't know they can't get out, and Bellamy will be desperate to get to his sister.

So something is wrong, clearly. An issue with the ship, she tells herself. Something keeping them from coming down. Not something that killed them in the Ark. They aren't allowed to have died up there. They're going to survive, and they're going to come down.

They're going to meet again. 

Madi doesn't mention it. She watches the sky the same as Clarke does, and Clarke can tell she's just as torn about the possibility of people coming down as she ever was. She'll never say she's glad that they aren't here yet, but Clarke can tell every morning when she wakes up and they're still alone, she's a little bit relieved, as well as being disappointed.

She tries not to be resentful about it and mostly succeeds. It's not Madi's fault that the ship hasn't come down, and her hoping it won't isn't keeping them away or anything as absurd as that. Madi's a kid, and she's scared; she's not doing anything wrong.

Whatever's going on up there, it has nothing to do with either of them. There's a problem, and they're going to fix it, and they're going to come down. Clarke tells herself that every day for one year and seven days. She tells herself that as she and Madi hunt and forage, as they explore the parts of the world that are safe, as they slowly try to drag the debris of Praimfaya away from the door of the bunker, even though with everything else they have to do to survive, they'll die before it's clear.

She keeps telling herself and telling herself that they're still coming, and then, suddenly, there they are.

"I see you," she tells the radio, and she feels like she's flying. She feels like the whole world is bright and beautiful and perfect, like things are going to be _good_ again.

They're going to come down, and dig out the bunker, and everything will be okay.

"I thought you said the ship would be small," Madi says, and her heart stops as she looks at it, really _looks_ and realizes it's not familiar.

How the fuck many ships can there even _be_? Who the fuck are these people?

It doesn't really matter. They're people, and for all she knows for sure, they're the only living humans left in the universe aside from her and Madi, and she needs to work with them. 

She's not going to be _wanheda_ anymore. She's done with war. It's time to figure out peace.

So she puts the gun on her back and lets out a breath. She can kill them all, if she has to. But she'd rather work with them.

The first off the ship is a woman, squinting at the sun like she doesn't remember how light works. Clarke still knows the feeling from her first days on the ground; even with flares on the Ark, the sun was never so relentlessly _bright_. 

She doesn't seem to have a weapon, and that's something. That's good.

"Hi," she says. "I'm Clarke. Welcome to Earth."

*

"It's been--fuck. Two thousand, two hundred, and fifteen days since Praimfiya. I think. I'm fucking tired, Bellamy. And I can't swear in front of Madi, so you're getting all of it." She rubs her face. "I know I'm a little late, but there was an issue with the miners. Nothing bad, just some sickness. They're not used to Earth yet. Someone didn't listen to me and ate some berries he shouldn't have, so they came and woke me up to deal with him. It's like watching a bunch of delinquents again, but I don't have you to annoy me". She lets out a breath. "Fuck, I thought it would _help_ , having them around. We're going to get the bunker open in a few days and all I can think is--I wish you were here. I wish I had you to talk me through all this. I'm doing fine with it, I know I am. But I'm better with you."

She switches off the radio and closes her eyes. It _has_ been better, since the ship came down. They're criminals, but they're excited for another chance, a fresh start. They're fascinated by the new Earth, half drunk on possibility. And when Clarke asked them to help dig out the bunker, they agreed readily, so they don't seem afraid of new people.

They seem to want to work together.

It's helped Madi a little too, seeing that Clarke hasn't abandoned her now that there are people around. Even though she's busier, she's still Madi's person, and she still loves her best.

There's even some strange, fledgling hope of a life, if no one else ever comes back. One of the women, Hinoko, has been flirting a little, and Clarke hasn't been flirting back, but she's been aware.

She's not ready to move on. But if she ever is, she has options. She could.

Just not yet.

She's dozing on the hood of the rover when Madi shakes her awake, sounding scared and excited all at once. "I think I see another ship."

Clarke jerks up. "What?"

Madi points, and Clarke spots it instantly, this spec in the sky that's getting closer and closer. 

This has to be them. There can't be that many ships up there.

She doesn't know what she'll do if it's not.

"You want to go meet them?" she asks Madi.

"What if it's not them?" 

"Then we still need to see them, right?" 

"I guess."

"The miners aren't so bad, right?" Clarke asks, but she knows it's not the same. The miners were new to both of them. 

"What if they don't like me?" Madi asks.

Clarke has to smile. "They will. I know it's hard to believe that, but--I'm not worried about that at all, okay? They're all going to love you. Even Murphy. He won't act like it, but he will. They're my family, Madi. That means they're going to be yours too."

"I know."

Clarke squeezes her shoulders, but--there's no cure for this but time. No cure for it but things going well. And she's sure they will.

But she will admit it's a little bad that at the first sight of Bellamy Blake, everything else falls out of her head. It would be nice, if she remembered Madi's anxiety, but--she's only human, and he's _right there_.

He's older, that's the first thing she notices. He's squinting in the light, the first one out because of course he is, because he wouldn't let anyone risk it. He's wearing a pair of glasses, a dark red t-shirt and black pants, shoes. She doesn't even know how she's noticing these things, because all she can really see is _Bellamy_. Bellamy, alive. Bellamy, _here_.

She knows the exact second he sees her too, because he actually staggers, but it's only for a second, and then he's on his way to her, crossing the distance between them with long strides.

She loses the gun, and some distant part of her brain knows she shouldn't just drop it, but--it's been two thousand, two hundred and fifteen days since she saw her best friend, and she can't wait another second.

She remembers the first time she hugged him, the first time she hurled herself into her arms like this, and it's so surreal to think of it now. Her relief had been a surprise then; she'd known she was worried, known that she wanted him to be alive. But she hadn't been prepared for how _glad_ she was.

It was the first moment she knew she loved him, that he was her best friend, and six years later, that isn't a surprise anymore. The strange part is remembering the time when she didn't know.

"Bellamy," she breathes. He smells clean and warm, the soap on his skin oddly artificial, unfamiliar after so long bathing in the lake, and his arms around her are solid and tight and perfect.

His face is buried in her hair, and she thinks he might be crying. "Fuck," he breathes, and all she wants is for him to keep talking. She wants to remember how his voice sounds on every word. 

And then he says, "Clarke," and that's what she really wanted. Her name on his lips again. His arms holding her so close. "I thought--" he starts, and his breath shudders. "I thought--"

"I know," she says. She doesn't mean to kiss his shoulder, not exactly, but she needs to do _something_. And she did promise to kiss him, when she saw him. "I know. I tried to radio."

She can feel the guilt as soon as he understands the word, the way his shoulders tense on a wince, and she nearly _laughs_. He thought she was _dead_ , and he's most upset that she tried to talk to him and couldn't.

She kisses bare skin this time, tasting sweat and warmth. He can tell her later if she should stop. But she needs to touch everything. She needs to be sure.

"You're _here_ ," she says, and that's it, really. 

He's finally home.

*

She takes Madi to help her gather firewood, leaving the rest of the group alone. She could see the reluctance in Bellamy's stance, in his eyes as he watched them go. He didn't want to let her out of his sight, and she didn't really want to let him out of hers either. But it's not just her needs she has to think of anymore.

Not that she really thinks Madi is feeling unloved. Everyone has been making sure she's never alone or neglected, an unspoken team effort to support her. While she and Bellamy were doing leader talk and refusing to let go of each other, everyone else was picking up the slack, getting to know Madi, making sure she feels included.

But Clarke knows that's not the same.

"How are you feeling?" she asks, when she's sure they're alone.

"Good." Her voice is too light. "I'm really happy for you."

Clarke wraps her arms around Madi. "It's going to take a little time getting used to, I know. For me too."

"Is he going to live with us? Bellamy."

The idea of his going anywhere else makes Clarke's whole chest hurt. It doesn't feel _likely_ that he'll want to stay with the rest of the group, instead of them, but it's still possible.

She thinks he wouldn't be like this, if he wasn't just as in love with her as she is with him. If she asks, she thinks he'll stay.

"I hope so," she tells Madi. "I know it's a lot, but--it's going to be a while before I know how to let go of him. I still can't believe he's really here."

"Are you going to marry him?" Madi asks.

She doesn't let herself avoid the question. "Maybe someday. I'd like to. But--it's not really about that, right now. I was so afraid I'd never see him again. And now that I have him back--it's going to take a little while before I won't be scared that I imagined him, I guess. That this is just another dream."

"Do you think he likes me?"

"Of course he does."

"Do you think he'll tell me a story tonight?"

"If you ask him," she says, "I know he will."

*

She doesn't realize that she and Bellamy haven't really been _alone_ until they're walking back to the rover together to go to sleep. This is the first time it's been just the two of them, and her stomach turns with sudden nerves. She'd thought she'd be happy just to have him back, that she didn't need anything else. But if he doesn't want her, doesn't want _everything_ , she's going to be disappointed, and it feels so ungrateful. She got him back from the dead; that should be enough.

But when she takes his hand, he smiles and squeezes her fingers, runs his thumb over her skin. "I forgot how much I like night," he observes.

"Night?"

"I know it's weird. It's always night in space, right? But it's different here. I think--it feels softer."

She smiles, leans in to press her face against his shoulder. He's already starting to smell more like she remembers, the scents of Earth settling onto his skin.

"I like it too. And it was different in the Ark. It's easier to appreciate night when there's day too. When it's not all the time."

"Yeah." He squeezes her hand again. "How are you doing? Really?"

"Really?" She thinks it over. "So much better."

"Okay, how _were_ you doing?"

"It was hard. But we survived it."

"We survived it," he agrees. They spot the rover, and he shakes his head. "I can't believe you live in a _car_."

" _We_ live in a car," she corrects. "It's your car now too."

"Lucky me," he teases, but she knows he means it.

He heads for the back, where Madi's sleeping, but she tugs him to the hood. "I usually sleep here," she explains, when he frowns.

"Fuck, why?"

She rolls her eyes and pushes him up gently, climbing up next to him. "Language," she says, and hesitates for just a second before she wraps her arms around him, settling in with her ear over the steady beat of his heart. If he ever seemed to mind, she'd stop, but all he ever does is pull her closer.

She feels so sure.

"I thought I'd have a better chance of waking up," she tells him, once they're settled. "If you guys came down."

He pulls her closer, reflexive, burying his face in her hair. "I'm so sorry," he says. "I wish I'd--I wish I knew you were down here. I would have--"

She has to smile. "Would have what? I know you were already trying to get down."

"I would have fixed the radio," he says, fierce. "I would have fucking done it myself."

"You would have driven Raven crazy if you tried to help with the ship," she says, letting her fingers trail up his side. He's too thin for her liking, too tired. But he's going to get better.

"Yeah, but--I'm not going to say it was harder, thinking you were dead," he says, his voice so soft her heart half breaks. "But it sucked, okay? I thought I was never going to see you again. That I was going to die without--"

When his voice fails, her breath does too. When she thought of him, she was sure he'd loved her back then. That he'd been on the verge of a confession more than once, that if they'd had even a single day more together, he would have told her. She'd been able to convince herself of that, but she wasn't sure she'd ever _know_.

She sits up so she can look at him. Six years older, but just as handsome as he ever was. Just as strong and steady and beloved.

"Without?" she asks.

He reaches up to brush her hair back, his fingers gentle, and her eyes close as she leans into the touch. Unlike last time, he doesn't move his hand, just lets it slide down to cup her face.

"Clarke," he says, voice wracked with helpless joy, and when she smiles, he kisses her, and it was worth waiting for.

*

"Is that his sister?" Madi asks.

Clarke bites her lip, feeling oddly like she might cry. In a way, it's not surprising; it's been an emotional few days. And there was a part of her that wasn't going to believe they _survived_ in the bunker, not until she saw everyone come out. But there's Octavia, and unless something went horribly wrong, everyone else she loves is safe too.

She's going to get them all back. Six years waiting, and she was right. All that stupid hope that wasn't a waste after all.

"That's his sister, yeah."

"She looks like Trikru," Madi observes. 

"She's the leader now, as far as I know," Clarke says. "Of everyone. She won the conclave."

"So I don't have to be leader?" she asks, soft.

Clarke tears her attention from the Blakes. "What?"

"That's what nightblood means," she says. "My mother told me when I was little. Someday, they'd take me, and I'd--"

"No," says Clarke. "It's not like that anymore. I think they're done with commanders," she adds. "We're done with all of that. It's going to be different now. Better."

"Better?" Madi asks, but Bellamy and Octavia are back, and there are introductions to make and discussions to have, business to attend to, and she thinks that's an answer all by itself.

People trying to work together. That's how it's going to be.

When she finally does get back to Madi, she looks tired and a little overwhelmed. Clarke leans down hug her, and Bellamy notices and comes over too, making her heart flutter.

Her family.

"You see anyone you know?" Bellamy asks her.

Madi shrugs. "I don't know. They're all pretty far away."

"We can try to find them after, if you want," Clarke says, and she shakes her head.

"No. We don't have to."

"Okay," says Bellamy. "So--I know him. The one with the big hair and all the fur on his shoulders. I don't think he's changed his clothes since he snatched me and brought me to Polis for his king. He probably smells awful."

Madi giggles, and Clarke lets herself find his hand behind her back and squeeze it.

"You don't smell so great yourself, Bell," says Octavia, and that makes her smile too. Octavia doesn't want him to be that far away from her either, but she's not good at just saying that. Communication still isn't their strong suit.

Bellamy rolls his eyes and squeezes Clarke's hand first, and then Madi's shoulder.

"Hey, at least we had _soap_ on the Ark," he teases, and it's so oddly familiar, seeing the two of them together again, bickering to hide affection, just like always.

"We had--"

" _Clarke_!"

The sound of her mother's voice is almost as sweet as the first sound of Bellamy's. She remembered it better, of course, the same way she still remembers her father's voice. She's been hearing it her whole life, and it's easy to put together things her mother said before, to remember advice and comfort.

But she wasn't sure she'd ever hear it again.

She straightens, and staggers forward, not going all the way, but letting her mother come to her. Like everyone else, she's thinner and older, more ragged, but--

"Mom," she says, and buries her tears in Abby's neck.

Abby is stroking her hair, murmuring things Clarke can't quite make out, things that don't matter because all she really wants is to assure herself that her daughter is alive.

And she is. They all are.

She pulls back, hands lingering on Clarke's shoulders as she looks her over. Clarke knows what she sees: shorter hair, red highlights, a little more muscle. She came out of this pretty well, all things considered.

"It's so good to see you," she says, and then she lets go to hug Bellamy, who was so unprepared for this he actually jumps a little. Clarke and Monty exchange a look, hiding their smiles. "I'm so glad the two of you had each other," she adds, mostly to Bellamy, and Clarke feels the smile slide off her face as her stomach churns.

"No," she tells her mother, even though it feels like a rip in her side. The wound is going to heal, but it hasn't yet. "I didn't make it to space." She takes Abby's arm, pulling her back past Bellamy and the rest of the people she knows, to where Madi is looking small and alone again.

Bellamy notices too, of course, and he joins her as Clarke says, "There's someone you need to meet, Mom. This is Madi. She's a nightblood, like me. And she lost her parents, so--she's mine now. Madi, this is my mom, Abby."

Madi presses against Bellamy like she can absorb strength from him, and maybe she can, because she offers her hand to Abby, and her voice is steady when she says, "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," says Abby, kneeling down. "It must have been hard, to be out here alone. I'm glad you were there to take care of Clarke."

"We took care of each other," Clarke says. "How are you doing?"

"Better now," says Abby, hugging her again. "It's so good to see you. I thought you might have--"

"We made it." She meets Bellamy's eyes, deep and warm and steady on her, even through his new glasses. "We all made it."

"Yeah," he agrees, even though she was talking to her mother, mostly. "So, what next?"

She lets herself smile. It feels like a familiar expression, finally. "Something better," she says, and means it.

*

Better takes time, of course, but time is something they have. It feels like there's nothing _but_ time, for once, but she knows it won't always be like this. There's only so much land, and people are starting to settle in, to make their own lives. The population is going to increase, and they'll need to be careful about sharing resources, making sure everyone has enough, making sure that friendships and families don't turn into factions and alliances.

For now, though. For now it feels good. They have food and water and shelter. She and her friends are making their own small community with room for more people if they want to come.

Most of them don't seem to have realized that she and Bellamy are together, which she can't help finding a little hilarious; it turns out they've always been so fond of each other, it's impossible to tell the difference between their friendship and their romance.

"We should tell them," she murmurs. "About us." They're tangled together in the early morning, taking advantage of the time between when they wake up and Madi does. The sex is great, but she likes this almost as much, lying next with him afterward, her head on his chest, his hand drawing idle patterns on her back.

Sometimes, she still expects to wake up and find it was all a dream. But not often. Less and less.

"Miller knows," he says. "He just asked me. I think Raven does too. We don't know they _don't_ know. But I want to see how long it takes O to notice. She keeps telling me I should just make a move."

Clarke laughs against his collarbone. "She's going to be so pissed when she finds out."

"It's not my fault she thinks I'm just kissing your shoulder platonically. She's the one who assumed."

"I think they're going to figure it out," she tells him.

"I think so too, but somehow--"

"Bellamy. I'm trying to tell you something."

He looks down at her, brow wrinkling in confusion. "Tell me what?"

She's still not sure, but she was in Olympus the other day, and her mother was telling her how the radiation had messed with the implants, knocked out most of them even in the bunker, and how they'd had five pregnancies come all at once before they realized that the implants needed to be fixed.

She'd asked, delicately, if Clarke wanted hers checked, in case it had been affected, and she'd realized two things at once: her mother didn't know she was with Bellamy either, and she was probably pregnant.

"Did Octavia tell you about the implants?"

She must have, because he stills beneath her, and when she looks at his face, she can see him figuring it out. "She said it wasn't all of them. Half, maybe."

"That was in the bunker. I was outside. I would have been more exposed."

"Are you sure?" he asks.

"Not yet. But--I've been feeling tired, and a little sick. Madi had that bug, so I thought--"

"Yeah, me too." He tugs her close, kisses her hair. "Do you want to be?"

"What, sure or pregnant?"

He laughs. "Either."

"I want to be sure. I'm going to go visit my mom today, I just wanted to talk to you first. Because--" She pauses, lets out a breath. "If I'm not pregnant, I think I just want to get the implant removed. Not fixed." 

"You want more kids?"

"We're doing okay with this one." She closes her eyes, breathes him in. "I want more kids. I want to marry you. I want--this. For the rest of my life. I'm ready."

"You don't have to talk me into it," he teases. But his voice is thick. "I want that too, Clarke. You don't have to convince me. As long as you're sure."

"I'm sure."

"You guys better not be naked!" Madi yells from the rover, shattering the moment. "I'm hungry and I want to come outside soon!"

"We definitely are!" Bellamy yells back. "And we're kissing!"

"Bellamyyyy," says Madi, dragging out the word, like he's the most embarrassing dad in the world. Which, honestly, he pretty much is.

Clarke laughs into his neck. "You're an asshole," she tells him.

He kisses her quickly. "See? I wasn't even lying." But then he rolls off her and finds his clothes. "Are you going to tell her now, or wait?"

"Now, I think. I don't want her to feel like I'm doing it without her. And if she's not ready to be a big sister--"

"Yeah, that sounds right. I'm going to go wash off in the lake, so you guys can talk in private. I'll give it like half an hour?"

"Thanks." She pecks him on the mouth. "I love you."

"I love you too. It's safe to come out now!" he adds, in the general direction of the rover, but he's still gone before Madi decides she can venture out.

"Are we getting a house soon?" she asks, with mostly good-natured petulance. "I want you guys to have your own room."

"I think the big house should be ready in a few days, so we can move on there. And then once that's done, we'll start on individual houses. Probably ours first."

"You think?"

"We have the biggest family, so we need a house first," she says. She worries her lip. "We need to talk about that."

"Talk about what?"

"Our family."

"Are you getting married?"

"Soon, probably. But--we might be having a baby. I'm not sure yet," she adds, before Madi can say anything. "I'm going to get my mom to check today. But even if I'm not pregnant yet, it's going to happen sooner or later."

"I know," says Madi. "I do know why you guys are naked."

Clarke smiles, bumps her shoulder against Madi's. "We're naked because it's fun, not to have kids. But kids are probably going to come too. Is that okay?"

"What would you do if I said no?" It sounds more curious than anything.

"Try to make it okay," she says. "Have Bellamy talk to you, probably. He's the one with a sister, so he knows more about it. If I'm already pregnant, I don't think we'd end it, but if I'm not, we could wait to have kids until you feel better about it. But I think you're going to be a really good sister."

"We're going to have a house before we have a baby, right?" she asks.

"Yeah, we should."

"And I still get my own room?"

"Definitely."

"Okay." She worries her lip. "I'm glad you're happy."

"Me too. Are you?" she asks. "Happier?"

She really thinks about it, which is nice. "I am, yeah. It's nice, to have a family."

"Yeah. That's why I think it's going to be nice to have a bigger one."

Madi nods. "Yeah. I think so too."

*

"Finding a kid is a lot easier than having one," Clarke says. The baby's stopped crying and is nursing with something that looks like contentment, and she can't quite stop looking at him. He's small and mostly kind of dark red, with a few tufts of wispy hair on his head. Now that labor is done and the baby is out of her, it's hard to believe he was ever _in_ her. That she and Bellamy made an actual human and she shoved him out into the world.

Bellamy kisses her temple. "I figured you knew that, or I would have warned you. Finding one seemed pretty painless."

"Except for the apocalypse."

"Except for that, yeah." He rubs her shoulder. "We don't have to have any more, you know. Four people's a pretty good family."

"Yeah. We'll see how we do with the baby first."

He snorts. "Yeah, babies are a lot worse than kids. I hope you didn't like sleeping."

"You weren't this negative about babies _before_ we had one." 

He reaches over to let Jake take his finger, grinning when he does. "Well, I didn't want you to change your mind. They're totally worth it."

"So far, yeah," she admits, brushing the baby's hair back. "Mom went to get Madi?"

"Yeah. And then we're going to have a billion other visitors once we get home. You're going to be the most spoiled kid in the entire world," he adds to Jake. "The first delinquent baby. They're going to love you."

"It sucks that everyone wants to see the baby _right away_. They should at least let me take a shower first."

Bellamy nuzzles her hair. "You look perfect."

"I just had your child, you have to say that."

"You're right, you look terrible, I just didn't want you to break up with me." He tickles the baby's stomach. "Honestly, no one's even going to notice you're here. Jake's the main attraction."

"Much better."

There's a knock on the door and then Abby with her arm on Madi's shoulder, half guiding and half pushing her into the room. Madi's eyes instantly fix on the baby, but she doesn't move until Clarke pets the bed on her free side.

But she does run when she comes.

"He's so tiny," she says. "I forgot how tiny babies are."

"Me too," says Bellamy. "Of course, O looked a lot bigger when I was six."

"He's actually fairly large for a newborn," says Abby. "It's a good thing. He seems healthy."

Clarke gives her mother a smile. "Good."

"Can I hold him?" asks Madi.

"Wait until he's done nursing," says Bellamy, gentle. He strokes her hair back. "Trust me, you're going to have plenty of chances. You don't have to rush."

"He's just saying that because he wants to hold him first," Clarke tells Madi.

"You're the one hogging the baby, Clarke. If you'd just share, we wouldn't have this problem."

"You can hold him first," Madi says, magnanimous.

"Thanks," says Bellamy, leaning over to kiss her on the head. "Appreciated."

"Okay, fine. Go hang out with your dad for a bit," Clarke tells the baby, and hands him over to Bellamy, watching him cradle his son with a kind of care that she doesn't think will ever stop feeling like someone walking on her heart.

In a nice way.

"He's going to call you Mom and Dad, isn't he?" Madi asks, soft.

"Probably, yeah," says Clarke. "Why?"

Madi bites her lip. "It might be confusing if I'm calling you Clarke and Bellamy, right? For the baby. Would it be easier if I called you guys Mom and Dad too?"

Clarke bites her lip, trying not to smile. It's obvious, but--the good kind of obvious. The kind where everyone is on the same page.

"That's a good idea, yeah," she says. "It's a lot less confusing."

"Yeah," Bellamy agrees. He shifts closer. "You ready to hold your brother?"

Madi reaches across Clarke to take the baby, and Clarke closes her eyes, lets out a breath. It's warm and safe in the hospital room, and the rover is waiting outside to take them home, where, she assumes, their friends have prepared some sort of ill-advised party to celebrate the new baby. The sun is shining and the sky is blue and the Earth is coming back, slowly but steadily.

The world is getting bigger every day.

"Hey Jake," says Madi, rocking him a little. "I'm your big sister, Madi. Nice to meet you."

Clarke leans again Bellamy, smiles at her mother, and closes her eyes. She feels the press of Bellamy's lips in her hair, hears Madi cooing at her brother, something that sounds like a grounder lullaby.

"Doing okay?" Bellamy asks, soft, just for the two of them.

The answer has never been easier. "Perfect."


End file.
